The Not-So-Great Eight

February 29, 2012 by Ben Crystal

While the Republican Presidential candidates vie for top billing in Tampa, Fla., the Democrats have evidently convinced themselves that President Barack Obama is a shoo-in for another four-year occupation of the White House. Let me rephrase that: The Democrats are trying desperately to convince themselves that President Barack Obama is a shoo-in for another four-year occupation of the White House.

Isn’t it interesting, then, that their anointed savior can’t muster up approval ratings that consistently eclipse the 50 percent mark? Isn’t it more interesting that some polls show Obama packing his gear and clearing out in favor of — among other people — Congressman Ron Paul, a man about whom the media can hardly bring themselves to comment? Isn’t it even more interesting that the corporate media can’t (won’t) mention Obama’s anemic performance, but will offer fealty that borders on blasphemy?

The list of reasons why the thinking voter should eschew casting a ballot for Obama is nearly as long as a Russian novel, but you don’t have the time and we don’t have the bandwidth to enumerate them all here. Each week, I put together a video commentary for Personal Liberty Digest® entitled “The Great Eight.” Today, I offer you a print version. With apologies to David Letterman (and my production crew):

From our home office in Cullman, Ala., it’s the top eight reasons not to vote for Barack Obama this fall.

8. Permanent Vacation.

Spain, Hawaii, Martha’s Vineyard, more Hawaii, more Martha’s Vineyard, Aspen and even more Hawaii. Remember how much the liberals hated George W. Bush’s brush-clearing misadventures? At least he was pretending to work once in a while — at his own house. And don’t we all enjoy being lectured about our eating habits by the first lady — in between her 2,500-calorie fundraiser meals, of course. Hypocrisy is ugly. No wonder the Democrats are so damned hard on our eyes — even when they’re wearing diamonds from the Harry Winston Collection.

7. The Devil-May-Obamacare.

For a great socialist leap forward, the President’s reanimation of Hillarycare’s corpse has taken an oddly back-shelf position of late. It’s almost as if the Democrats don’t want us remembering that they ignored public sentiment, the rules of legislative engagement and one or two juicy parts of the Constitution as November rolls toward us. I suspect Obama may come to regret his decision to force churches to pay for abortions, but that’s presuming he develops a conscience and understanding of the 1^st Amendment between now and Election Day. Knowing the liberal mindset, he’ll lose and blame the loss on us “God and guns” types. I’d say more, but it might move my name up on the death panel (yes, Virginia, they are real) list.

6. Gassed Out.

As much fun as the Democrats’ new sitcom “That was then; this is now” has been to watch, I just don’t see a real future for it. Their attempt to cut Obama loose from that $5 per gallon gas-price anchor he’s dragging around is sadder than Arianna Huffington’s wedding videos. When George W. Bush was President, exorbitant gas prices spurred Democrats including Senator Barbara Boxer and current Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz to hold shrieking press events in which they blamed Bush for everything short of trapping people in their homes. The corporate media obligingly reported the liberal finger-pointing with breathless vigor. Now, gas prices are evidently rising in a vacuum, with the same people suggesting Obama has “little control” over them. That was then; this is now.

5. Hooray For Hollywood.

Obama leans heavily on financial and propaganda support from the left coast as much as he does on anyone outside the offices of Goldman Sachs. Hollywood’s hypocritical horde has hardly hidden their disdain for non-liberals. But they seem to forget: Only liberals are dumb enough to vote based on advice from renowned thinkers like Sean Penn and Rosie O’Donnell. Sean, go back to Venezuela. Maybe Hugo Chavez will let you be his court jester. Rosie, have another sundae. Oscar host Billy Crystal (no relation; I eat bacon) cracked a joke during the recent Academy Award yawnfest in which he compared Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich to a “dark knight, an American psycho and a charismatic crack addict.” The crowd roared with laughter. I noticed that a whole team of writers put their thinking caps on to produce a joke that wasn’t fit for amateur night at the Ha-Ha Hut. Of course, Romney, Santorum and Gingrich probably thought “I’m totally the dark knight in that one.” That’s actually pretty funny, when you think about it. Maybe Billy’s a distant cousin.

4. Crony Capitalism.

So, religious (read: Christian) organizations get stuck with the same onerous Obamacare mandates that the Democrats’ union thug cronies managed to escape? All those exemptions, and Obama couldn’t find one more for the people who believe abortion is murder? Meanwhile, General Motors is certainly heating things up since its bailout; those Chevy Volts are really hot — in a manner of speaking. And all those so-called “green jobs” projects have produced in spades, have they not? Granted, the “jobs” in question all went to bankruptcy lawyers; but at least someone benefited from Obama’s payoff to his cronies. It was certainly heartbreaking watching those poor attorneys wandering around outside the courthouse. “Will guide you through Chapter 7 for food.” A look at Obamanomics reveals the biggest beneficiaries are guys like Warren Buffett, George Soros and Jeff Immelt (not to mention Mark Rezko). When hypocritical billionaires are hurting, Obama is there for them. What a guy.

3. Let’s Hear It For The Girls!

Tell you what, liberals. You keep Janeane Garofalo, Barbra Streisand, Sheila Jackson-Lee and — I’m guessing here — Janet Napolitano. We’ll keep Bo Derek, Anne Coulter, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. Besides the fact that the combined IQs of the former group don’t equal any one of the latter, our women look like women. The best part is, none of five conservative women I mentioned would disagree with me. The former group would slap you with some kind of injunction for making a remark like that at the next Moveon.org meeting. At least our girls know where Mars is. For that matter, at least our girls know what Mars is.

2. On The Job.

Unemployment has remained a thorn in the American economic side for the better part of Obama’s term. Factor in the number of people who are so discouraged by Obamanomics, and the number rises to close to 15 percent. That’s 15 percent of a workforce that easily exceeds 100 million people. Imagine everyone in the New York metropolitan area updating their resumes at the same time. Add the illegal aliens who the Democrats — and a fair number of the Republicans — won’t address in a meaningful manner, and the math gets even more muy malo. Of course, the Democrats will suggest that the illegals are doing only the jobs that no one else wants. I’ll admit, mowing Nancy Pelosi’s lawn doesn’t sound like a day at the beach, but where are these Americans who are happily living off the dole? I mean, outside Detroit.

1. It’s The Constitution.

Four words: Attorney General Eric Holder.

Of course, I left off more than a few good reasons to avoid voting for Obama and/or his fellow clown car riders. Hell, trying to pin down only eight was tougher than figuring out who the 10 biggest douchebags are at a personal injury lawyers’ convention.

This November’s Presidential election will indeed be a landmark event in American politics. Will we choose to play Horatio at the bridge, standing tall against the march of liberal statism? Or will we dive into the river, in which we will surely drown?

–Ben Crystal