Obama SCOTUS Humor

This satirical article was found on Scrappleface.com:




Obama Rejects ‘Empathy’ as High Court Nominee Litmus

by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · Comments (12) · ShareThis· Print This Story

(2010-04-26) — Eager to avoid the controversy that surrounded his last Supreme Court pick, President Barack Obama today categorically rejected “empathy” as a characteristic he seeks in a court nominee.



“On the contrary,” the president said emphatically, “I’m looking for a judge who cannot be swayed by the subjective feelings that the Founding Fathers enshrined in the Constitution. My Supreme Court nominee will strictly enforce justice without regard to the vagaries of human emotion that swept away Madison, Washington, Franklin, Hamilton and the others.”



President Obama’s remarks come after recent White House suggestions that he’s scouring the nation to find candidates, not with empathy, but with “a keen understanding of how the law affects the daily lives of the American people,” which is an entirely different quality.



The president noted that he, as a former Constitutional law lecturer and past president of the Harvard Law Review, is “eminently qualified to locate an associate justice for the high court who can overcome the Framers’ knowledge deficit regarding the actual impact of the law on citizens.”



“Those old, white men drafted this charter of negative liberties,” Mr. Obama said, “and like a band of grandfathers, gone soft out of compassion for their grandchildren, they tried to free the individual from bondage to the government, when in fact, it’s the government that has their best interests at heart. It’s the government that can deliver so much more justice to them than any Constitution could ever hope to accomplish.”



Mr. Obama added that, “Empathy was the Framers’ undoing, and I intend to restore to the court a steely-eyed regard for established law…as it may be established from time to time by the court.”